So this is Christmas...

Well another Christmas has come & gone, the second one without my mom and the first without my brother-in-laws mom. Truthfully I was kind of dreading the day. A lot has happened this year and really none of it was good. We all got together Christmas day at my sister's place. Her, her husband, my niece & her boyfriend & my nephew. It was actually better than I could have hoped for. Good conversation, not to much drama & bullshit and a great meal. Left me feeling both happy and a bit sad. Maybe nostalgic for Christmas when my parents were alive? They both new how to "Keep Christmas" as the saying goes. I miss those simple times & simple pleasures. Life just seems to move to fast these days. Still I was happy to enjoy my day with the people I love and despite the odds love me back. 

An ordinary day

Yep like the title said it was an ordinary day. The weather kind of sucked, damp & dank so naturally that starts to get things aching. Today I was subject to some new pains in new places, damn I love being a spina bifida. My mom once told me that God only gives us what we can handle, today I wish he trusted me less. I don't usually moan and bitch about things to much, cause things could be worse, a bunch worse but fuck it would be nice to have one pain free day in a Month. Just one. I hate taking the pain killers, smoking weed helps but it's hard to explain and makes me fuzzy. An of course the medical profession with there "Unfortunately there's nothing much we can do." attitude sucks, yeah it's realistic but fuck. Acupuncture helps but my needle jockey is in China for a month. Still at least I have my friends who put up with my shit, and my faithful buddy harley the wonder cat. Things could be worse, but they could be better.

My Day

I hung with my buddy Frankie today. He's a pretty cool individual across between Eor from Winnie the Poo & I'm not sure who... anyway he's great to hang with. We'd decided to do a run across the Provincial border to get some fine single malt which is unavailable here. We score a couple of bottles and some excellent Micro brew beer... great conversation. Deeply philosophical at points,,personal at others and of course 17 shades of stupid at other points. We had a great time, awesome even... I get home and my room mate, Hal is just rolling out of bed 2:00 ish in the afternoon, this is a normal & daily occurance for him. He's living off the governments tit. He's been hounding me for like a week to watch "the half blood prince" which is a great movie, just not with him. You have to explain every fucking detail to him, Cripes read the fucking book!!! Let me enjoy the movie... so basically he whined, muttered, moaned and pitched a fit better then any 2 year old could. I cave and agreed to watch it with him. About 1/2 thru I snapped and like the song says "something inside had switched to overload" and wander off. Now he's having a perfectly lovely sulk. Some times I really want to kick his ass. Hard.

Annual Christmas Party at Work.

Today was the annual company Christmas party where I work. I've only been with the company a short while, so I was unsure what to expect. They're cheap fuckers, we have to supply our owns pens and on free coffee day at work the owner sets the water level to coffee ratio higher. He admits it's cheap. He tends to higher fuck-ups, myself included for most of the jobs. If Fox wants their next big hit come to our office for a bit.  But I digress...

The "party" was in actuality just a lunch on the companies nickel (not dime that would be given them two much credit).  The food consisted of two plates of Subway sandwiches, one veggie & dip platter size small, a plate of cookies and 3 bottles of cheap red wine, and a gallon of even cheaper white. The only saving grace was that Mike the resident booze hound drank most of the gallon of white.

I know I shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth, and free is free but fuck... come one show some love and appreciation, it's the time of the year.

There's this crush I have.

I'm kind of an internet junkie, I belong to a bunch of social networking sights and I'm active on a bunch of them. I met this young woman, girl really who's 17 which I'm not. I'm close to 50, and yes I know it's wrong. We talk on line, send each other notes and what not. Of course we ended up having major crushes on each other. As I said I know it's wrong on so, very many levels. Truthfully I don't care. I know nothing will ever come of it. I'm not going to meet her or anything like that. The worst thing is some passionate emailing. Funny thing is she's amazing. Smart, funny, witty, sensual, beautiful and I'm happy with her. Of course I have this nagging doubt in the back of my mind telling me it's wrong and I should stop it. I probably won't. I might be rationalizing it, but I don't believe I'm hurting her.

I'm a lot of things to a lot of people.

I'm a lot of things to a lot of people. Friend, lover, brother, uncle, scout leader, nemesis, bullshit artist, son, but mostly I'm just me. Doesn't sound like much & believe me it's not, but in the grand scheme of things I really don't care. I'm tired of being some of the things I mentioned and I want to be better at some of the other things I mentioned. Just not sure which one's are which right now. Matter of priorities I guess, maybe wants. Maybe needs. Regardless I'm writing this for me and only me. I guess for some kind of therapy god knows I need it.